


not a monster, just a human

by FearlessMayProceed



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, didn't tag them because they aren't there long but Thomas and Patton also appear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 09:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FearlessMayProceed/pseuds/FearlessMayProceed
Summary: Virgil has a bad day. Logan is there to talk him through the aftermath.A fanfic of AdrianaintheSnow's au Birds of a Different Feather
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 123





	not a monster, just a human

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AdrianaintheSnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdrianaintheSnow/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Little Kestrel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25738441) by [AdrianaintheSnow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdrianaintheSnow/pseuds/AdrianaintheSnow). 



> This is a fanfic for AdrianaintheSnow's au Birds of a Different Feather which is wonderful and definitely worth a read. 
> 
> I was stuck on a title and then It's Alright by Mother Mother started playing, so the title is from that, because it is a very appropriate song.

Virgil could feel dread pooling in the bottom of his stomach as he crept through the castle.

Theoretically, he was on his way to the library, in hopes that Logan would be there to lie against and fall asleep.

Realistically, Virgil knew there was no chance he would stop once he got to the library. There was a shiver in his spine and a prickling feeling at the base of his skull which forced him to keep pacing silently, up and down and round the castle.

Virgil knew he was keeping a look-out but he wasn’t even sure what for. Some sort of danger? An invading force? Enemies? Something was wrong, he knew that much, but he couldn’t pin it down. A terrible feeling of unease was resisting all his attempts to examine it and find the cause. All he could do was give in to his instincts and keep prowling the castle until his legs went numb.

Every so often he would come across a guard on duty, silent figures with a steady piercing gaze. At this point in time Logan and Patton had introduced him to nearly everyone in the castle, so he knew all the guards by name. They were all friendly to him, politely greeting him whenever he made his way to Logan and some even smiled when they saw him.

None of that seemed to matter right now as every guard he saw shot ice down his throat. He pressed himself into the shadows until he could slip past them, his heart beating frantically. No one saw him as he continued round the castle.

Virgil knew it was a bad day, but he didn’t know it was a _bad_ day until he saw King Thomas.

He rounded the corner and there was the King.

Instead of seeing Thomas, Logan’s dad, a friendly man with a constant smile on his lips, Virgil saw the King. He saw a person of authority, who would lock him away without a second thought, order him to be tortured until his voice broke from screaming, send him to the executioner because Virgil is an enemy, an assassin, is bad and deserves it and no one would save him.

Virgil froze, unable to breathe.

Thomas turned and his eyes lock onto Virgil. His brow furrowed as he looked Virgil up and down. His mouth opened and he begun to take a step forward.

Virgil fled.

Logan walked along the corridors at a brisk pace.

He was very carefully not running, because running would mean a serious problem. There was no serious threat and therefore he was not running. There was merely…a concern.

Logan arrived at the library. He did not throw the doors carelessly open, letting them close with a bang as he began searching the library. The doors must have recently been oiled or something like that. He definitely didn’t race through the library, hurriedly investigating any and all nooks and crannies. He was the prince and therefore appeared calm and collected at all times, even in moments of urgency.

Logan ignored the Librarian’s voice scolding him for running and left the library as quickly as he had entered, letting the door slam behind him.

His search of the library had yielded no results.

Logan paused outside the library, deliberating his next course of action. He had looked in the gardens, the kitchen, Virgil’s bedroom and all of the other various hiding holes that Virgil had discovered in his year of living in the castle.

The only notable thing about all of these places was the severe lack of Virgil in them.

Logan knew that Virgil would not leave the castle grounds, no matter how distressed he was. He must be hidden somewhere on the premises, in some old forgotten passageway or cupboard or-

Oh.

Logan knew where Virgil was.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He could feel the first pinpricks of a stress headache beginning to form. It didn’t hurt as much as the ache in his chest.

He could examine that hurt after he had confirmed Virgil’s wellbeing. Or he could lock the ache away and never examine it, because it only ever came when thinking about Virgil’s life before the castle and if he thought too much on that…

Well, it wouldn’t do anyone any good.

Logan started walking again, this time with a clear destination in mind.

Logan entered his bedroom. Nothing appeared to be out of place and the room itself was silent.

He walked over to the closest and gently rapped it with his knuckles.

“Virgil? It’s Logan,” He said calmly, listening intently for a response.

The silence continued, as if the air itself was holding its breath. Logan sighed.

“I’m going to open the door now,” He informed the closet. There was no reply.

Logan grabbed the handle and, as slowly as he could, turned it and opened the door.

Inside, curled up into a ball, was Virgil.

“Oh Virgil,” Logan sighed and crouched down next to Virgil. At the sound of his voice, Virgil flinched, somehow compressing himself even smaller. From the little Logan could see of his face, it was obvious Virgil had been heavily crying and his body seemed to be shaking slightly.

“May I sit next to you?” Logan asked quietly, trying to keep his voice steady and calm.

Virgil didn’t respond straight away, but eventual there was a forced twitch of his head. If Logan was being generous, he could call it a nod. He took it as positive confirmation and settled next to Virgil.

As he sat down, he let his arm brush against Virgil and watched carefully for the response. There was an initial flinch but moments later the shaking lessened. Logan took this as permission to sit close enough that their shoulders were touching and was rewarded with Virgil leaning into his touch and the shaking coming to a halt.

“Would you like me to close the door?” Logan asked.

There was no response other than a small jerk of the shoulder.

Logan looked around.

“Would you like the door closed with the lights on?”

There was a long pause, then a small jerk of the head.

“Okay,” Logan said calmly, “Thank you for letting me know.”

He reached forwards and closed the door. He felt Virgil stiffen beside him and quickly turned on the lights.

Above their heads, shone an accurate depiction of the night sky. Familiar constellations that Logan had painstakingly hung up months ago for an assassin captured in enemy territory by two panicking teenagers.

For the first time since Logan had found Virgil, he saw the whole of the boy’s face as Virgil lifted his head up to look at the glimmering lights.

“This may be a redundant statement,” Logan said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper, “But I would like to inform you that you are safe Virgil. There is no threat and no one here who will hurt you.”

Logan could see the lights reflected in Virgil’s eyes as his head tilted towards Logan.

“Do you understand that?”

It took Virgil a while to respond. Logan could see his eyes staring intently at Logan’s face, as if searching for the answer there. He felt Virgil move closer to press into Logan’s shoulder.

“…yeah,” Virgil’s voice came out in a rasp, but it was steady with certainty, “I understand.”

Logan felt a stiffness in his body, that he had not previously been aware of, drain away at Virgil’s answer.

“Good,” Logan said, “I’m glad.”

The two of them sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Logan kept his breathing slow and steady, and Virgil, whose breathing was much too quick, gradually began to follow along.

Once Virgil had been breathing at a reasonable rate for an appropriate amount of time, Logan decided to continue the conversation.

“Was there anything that triggered this?” He asked, carefully lifting his hand to place it on Virgil’s head. He punctuated the question with a gentle brush of Virgil’s hair, replicating Patton’s tried and tested technique for comforting a Virgil.

Logan was pleased to feel the technique working almost immediately. Instead of startling at the question, Virgil melted into Logan’s side, allowing easier access for future head pats.

“No,” Virgil replied in a whisper, “It’s-it’s just a bad day, I think.”

“Thank you for answering Virgil,” Logan said, rewarding him with more head scritches, “That is a perfectly reasonable explanation.”

Bad days were unfortunately not as uncommon as Logan would like. There was something frustrating in knowing that there was nothing to be done to prevent future bad days and that it was likely to be something that decreased, but never completely ceased.

“Dad said you ran away from him,” Logan said.

At this, Virgil’s almost relaxed state completely vanished. Logan felt him stiffen then draw back away from Logan’s side, returning to the ball position he had started in. Logan frowned and reached a hand out to him but withdrew it once he saw Virgil flinch away.

“Virgil?” Logan asked. The sight of all the progress they had made being wiped away was distressing, to say the least.

Virgil flinched minutely.

“Virgil?” Logan tried again with a softer voice, “Dad was worried, not angry. He is not upset with you in any way.”

Some of the tension left Virgil’s frame, but most of it remained. Clearly Logan had guessed wrong about what was troubling Virgil.

“What is upsetting you? I’m afraid that I can’t effectively reassure until I know what about the situation is wrong.” Logan said, watching Virgil carefully for any reaction that might give a clue as to the problem.

Virgil stayed still for a moment, hunched in the smallest shape he could possibly form. Logan wished he could reach across and take some of the fear out of Virgil’s frame but he, perhaps selfishly, didn’t want to see Virgil flinch again.

Eventually Virgil sagged, although it looked less like relaxing and more like giving up. He tilted his head partially so Logan could see his eyes staring down.

“He should be…” Virgil mumbled.

“Pardon?” Logan asked, bewildered.

“He should be upset with me, I freaked out for no reason and acted like he was going to kill me,” Virgil told the floor.

“Virgil…” Logan trailed off, unsure where to go with this new information.

“All of you should be upset with me!” Virgil seemed to be gaining steam, he raised his head and locked eyes with Logan, “I cause problems and worry everyone even when there’s nothing wrong! You don’t deserve that! None of you do!”

“You don’t deserve it either Virgil-“ Logan started but Virgil shook his head and cut across him.

“It’s not fair to you Logan. You don’t deserve to be treated like a threat.”

Logan had to pause to formulate a response to this.

He was reeling slightly, the knowledge that Virgil considered and worried about the emotional states around him even when feeling great amounts of distress was causing the ache in his chest to grow exponentially. He reached across the gap between them, locking his hand with Virgil’s, hoping to grant him some small comfort before he spoke.

Logan wished Patton was here for this. He always seemed to know what to say and how to effectively battle Virgil’s hurts. But Patton was away visiting family and Logan was the one here, so he would try his best. He had to get this across to Virgil.

Logan took a deep breath.

“We’re not hurt because of your actions Virgil,” Logan began. For a moment it looked like Virgil would interrupt again, but Logan squeezed his hand and he settled back down. “We understand that they are based in traumatic experiences and therefore have no bearing on how you actually feel about us.”

Virgil sniffed quietly.

“It hurts us that you are hurting, but that’s something that we can work through and it applies no matter who is the source of the original hurt.” Logan said, steadily holding Virgil’s gaze and punctuating is last point with another gentle squeeze of the hand, “You don’t need to feel bad about feeling bad Virgil, it is not your fault.”

Logan could see tears brimming at the corners of Virgil’s eyes, as he stared at Logan with something close to desperation in his eyes.

“Do you understand Virgil?” Logan asked softly.

Slowly, Virgil nodded. He sniffed once more, then the tears began to fall.

Logan reached out with his free hand and gently wiped away them away. He left his arms open as an invitation.

Virgil hesitated, looking between Logan’s outstretched arms and his face. Whatever he found there seemed to reassure him, because moments later he willingly folded into Logan’s embrace.

Logan hugged this person, who could kill him in under a second, who was one of his best friends, close to him and rested his head on top of his.

Logan didn’t know if Virgil fully believed him in this moment, but that was okay. He would continue to tell him for as long as it took for Virgil to believe him. For now, they were safe in the quiet.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil whispered into Logan’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry.”

Logan wanted to tell Virgil that he would never have to worry about being hurt again, but he couldn’t truthfully make that promise. Castle life had given Virgil a new collection of injuries, albeit a lot less. There were always going to be accidents or moments of rash panic, whether they were a small nick on his leg from an angry thorn or a bloody elbow from forcing himself into a corner far too quickly. One time Patton had swung around too enthusiastically and caught Virgil in the face, which had resulted in a very panicked and tearful day.

What Logan could promise was that they would always be there to patch Virgil up after the fact. Patton would kiss bruised knees and Logan would provide healing potions no matter the circumstance. They would hold his hand when he was scared and warm his back when he needed the security.

Logan could promise love to counteract any hurts Virgil would live through.

Logan turned his head and pressed a gentle kiss to Virgil’s forehead.

“All of us hold great affection for you Virgil,” Logan murmured into Virgil’s hair, “We’ll always be here for you, even on the bad days.”

Virgil pressed in close and Logan continued to hold him tight.

For a long time, there was quiet in this closet full of an ex-assassin, a prince and all the stars in the night sky.

The quiet stayed until hours later when the closet door was opened by Patton, wondering where his friends had gone.

Patton grinned wide when he found them, curled up together on the floor, fast asleep. He let out a small coo, unable to himself at the adorable sight before him. He quickly quieted when the sound caused Virgil to stir ever so slightly.

As stealthily as he could, Patton grabbed a blanket from the bed and arranged it over his two friends. A small brush of Virgil’s hair was enough to settle him back down, as half-asleep as he was.

Patton then grabbed a book and settled in beside them, content to wait for his friends to wake up on their own. A hand reached out and grasped his from under the blanket pile.

Patton smiled. He began moving his thumb in a soothing motion across the back of Virgil’s hand and started reading.

Thomas sat hunched over his desk, trying not to die of boredom. He had been going through and signing documents for the past hour and it was starting to drain on him.

Unbidden his thoughts started drifting to the event that took place a few days ago. Logan had reassured him that he had found and comforted Virgil, but Thomas just couldn’t shake the image of a terrified Virgil from his mind. It was the exact look he had seen on Virgil’s face when he first met him, and it broke his heart now just as much as it did then.

Sighing, Thomas wrenched his attention back to the very official document in front of him, scanning it without really reading it.

He wished he could just tell Virgil that there was no reason to be afraid of him, but he knew that wouldn’t work. The brain works in mysterious and sometimes cruel ways.

Thomas flicked his eyes to the top of the page once again, before giving up. He yawned and stretched, trying to get rid of the crick in his back. As he moved, he spotted a shadow in the corner of the room that wasn’t there when last he checked.

Slowly, he brought his arms back down, trying to catch whoever it was in the corner of his eye. The shadow moved and Thomas relaxed as he recognised Virgil.

He turned back to his work. If Virgil hadn’t called out to him, he didn’t want to spook him away.

Time passed and only the smallest of shuffles could be heard in the chamber. Thomas waited patiently, occasionally letting his eyes flick to the movement but for the most part he pretended to stare at the paper.

Eventually, Virgil had moved into his periphery, close enough to touch. Thomas turned his head and smiled at him.

Virgil looked nervous, but determined, fidgeting as he stood there, head bowed. Thomas reached out a hand, hoping to comfort him, and was surprised when Virgil got up onto the chair beside him.

Thomas hovered for a second, confused by this development, but his heart jumped in joy once he realised Virgil’s plan.

Virgil had curled up beside him, resting his head on Thomas’ knee and closing his eyes. Thomas brought his hand down to lie on Virgil’s hair, stroking it softly.

“I’m sorry,” A small voice whispered to him.

“It’s okay,” Thomas said, and meant it.

He returned to his work, unable to prevent the smile tugging at his lips as he sat in soft silence with a warmth pressed up against him. He felt contentness radiate through him and he hoped that Virgil felt it too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> My writing tumblr is @theflowerscribbler


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